Lesbian Prerequisite: EQ>100


Lesbian groups are fucking insane and require ridiculous amount of emotional intelligence. Words are mostly useless. All real meaning is conveyed with micro facial expressions like shifting eyes or other camouflaged nonverbals. One statement is usually intended to mean something entirely different to each person. You must be fluent in subtext to survive.

For Example – Amber says, “Hey let’s all go to this new bar, it looks really cool.”
Here’s what Amber was actually saying to each girl:
Girl one – I’m totally into you. I only made the suggestion to see you. Isn’t it obvious?
Girl two – I know, I know your ex works there. I want to go though so I’m pretending I forgot.
Girl three – You know you love me and my ideas. Now, tell everyone how awesome I am.
Girl four – You’re not the only one who plans shit, bitch.
Girl five – Please don’t notice that I’m in love with your girlfriend (girl one).

Lesbians are constantly making alliances. Each person has several and if an alliance breaks, it’s a complete game changer for the entire group. It’s painful and messy. Dynamics change. All connections need to be reevaluated. New alliances form and old ones get stronger.

When it seems like you’re talking and no one’s listening, that’s pretty much the only time you’re guaranteed to have the groups undivided attention. To say lesbians are tuned into each other would be a massive understatement. Things like the number of minutes between text messages, hints behind a compliment and seating arrangements will always be thoroughly dissected before, during and after. Everything that happens has a meaning and nothing goes unnoticed.

(Yes, this is a huge exaggeration. I promise I don’t actually calculate things out this much! :))


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